i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
