I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
