just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
