Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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