Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
