why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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