i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found your dick twin last night
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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