Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize