like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
