I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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