you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
