While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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