i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I still have a little drunk in my system
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
