Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
