It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
