I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
