Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Still dying that you shit outside
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
