I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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