I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
