you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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