Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
