I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
