So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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