If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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