What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
