What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
