now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
