goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
