a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
