she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
