Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I enjoy the company of your penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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