Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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