I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
