What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
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You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
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Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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