Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
