Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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