Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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