i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
