I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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