I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
