dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
