i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't turn off my feet"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
