11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
