I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize