thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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