Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
