I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
