the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
