theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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