you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
