i barfeds in our rink
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
