i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
