How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
