The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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