just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
