Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
