so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
