my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How's work?
Spinning.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
