like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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