Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
