I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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