i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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