so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
