I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
