Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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