Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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