I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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