I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
