I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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