I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
