you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
